After His Affair

Women Rising from the Ashes of Infidelity

Non-Fiction - Relationships
286 Pages
Reviewed on 03/11/2015
Buy on Amazon

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Author Biography

Meryn Callander with born in Portland, Australia, in 1952. She graduated from Monash University, Melbourne, with degrees in both economics and social work. At 25, she quit her position working with children in crisis, feeling she was doing little but applying Band-Aids to gaping wounds. Searching for that illusive something more, she headed to Europe, and then the U.S.

It was there she met John W. Travis, M.D., known to many as the founding father of wellness. Their marriage and professional partnership spanned almost three decades, during which time they pushed the leading edges of wellness--going well beyond the popular focus on nutrition and physical fitness, into the mental and emotional, interpersonal and spiritual dimensions of wellbeing. They co-authored several pioneering books on wellness, and facilitated seminars and retreats in the U.S. and internationally.

In 1993, Meryn became a mother. After decades of working in adult wellness, she gleaned a whole new appreciation of how profoundly our early years impact the wellbeing of the adults we become. In 1999 she co-founded, and served for several years as president of, the Alliance for Transforming the Lives of Children. The Alliance emerged from a core group of interdisciplinary experts dedicated to supporting caregivers, professionals, and policymakers in practicing the art and science of nurturing children.

Why Dads Leave: Insights and Resources for When Partners Become Parents ( grew out of their journey through the early years of parenting. While John stayed well beyond the challenges of those early years, their experiences compelled her to identify the dynamics underlying the epidemic of men leaving their families--physically or emotionally--soon after the birth of a child, and how couples can grow together rather than apart. The book offers insights and practical ways of preventing the devastating impact of this dynamic.

Her latest book, After His Affair: Women Rising from the Ashes of Infidelity is a reflection of her concern at the escalating rates of infidelity and the devastation that is left in its wake. Meryn is a counselor, spiritual intuitive, and akashic reader.

    Book Review

Reviewed by Mamta Madhavan for Readers' Favorite

After His Affair: Women Rising from the Ashes of Infidelity by Meryn G. Callander is the story of a woman who has been betrayed in love and how she survives the nightmare and emerges to shine. The book throws light on the devastation and trauma suffered by the person who is cheated on. The story is not only about someone who is betrayed, but also how we all betray ourselves while living. Though the experiences differ, all of them experience pain, shock, anger and bitterness. The author also speaks about how women can heal their broken hearts, reclaiming their inner power and self confidence. The author also shares some stories about couples who have ended their marriages due to infidelity.

The book covers the topic extensively and goes into detail on how to survive and heal from a broken heart. The author's advice and tips to readers about mending a broken heart is simple yet helpful. It gives them the confidence to start life again with wisdom and strength. The facts and assumptions about infidelity have been explained well. The author has handled a relevant topic without being too emotional or dramatic. The book is useful to women so that they can avoid cheating and betrayal in their lives. It is a good book that can be used as a guide by family counselors and health care professionals. The book is a good friend that will walk with you and guide you properly through any infidelity in your relationship.

Mom in California (USA)

There is no way to describe the soul-crushing reality when you find out your partner, the one you have entrusted for so many years, has been unfaithful. Betrayed, doesn't even begin to skim the surface. Ms. Callander skillfully and lovingly empowers the reader to move beyond the shame, the guilt, the plain old yuck into a place of empowerment and standing strong. This book is so needed. I found myself relating to just about every single one of those women interviewed. I felt their pain and understood how to begin healing and that I am whole. Who among us hasn't felt betrayed? This is how we reclaim ourselves and our intrinsic self-worth and begin to heal.

Pamela McDonald, founder

As a woman and as an integrative health practitioner, I understand well the impact and damage of trauma on the body‹and on the family. After His Affair highlights the significance of the repercussions of infidelity on the body
and psyche, and how a woman may not only heal, but become more whole from this experience. This is important because repressed, that trauma remains in the body and will show up at some time, often years later, in the form of
some dis-ease.

Callander¹s insights extend beyond healing after a partner¹s cheating. She looks at how we may protect our marriages and avoid infidelity in our relationships. And how, when a relationship has run its course, we can come
apart with care and compassion for the other‹rather than being unfaithful to our partners.

This book is not only for those recovering from a current betrayal, and those wishing to avoid it. It is for those still carrying the imprint‹whispers of it‹even decades later. It is for those wanting insight on how to support the women‹or men‹in their lives who are struggling to
survive a partner¹s cheating. And it is for those who want to live healthier and more authentic lives and relationships.

Leslie Campbell

After His Affair is an important book on a pervasive topic. Those of us who have been involved with infidelity in any way can get a broader perspective that is genuinely healing as well as informative. It's a much-needed book on many levels, for people who have been involved in an affair or suffered the consequences of an affair in any way.

Jill Cheeks

An important book for men and women to read BEFORE the possibility of an affair. The devastation and destruction that occur to the individuals and the family unit is so deep that it's necessary to understand the consequences of an affair. Meryn Callander brings to life this reality in the stories she shares from the brave women she has interviewed. This book would be great required reading to offset the possibility of an affair; to stay focused on nurturing a committed, meaningful relationship.

Marilyn Milos, RN

After His Affair isn't about him, it's about her--her journey from infidelity to wholeness. This book clearly explains how the trauma of infidelity affects women, and how a broken heart leads to grief, anger, depression, and despair. The women's stories, shared in this book, are a
powerful testimony to the pain and anguish women experience in the wake of infidelity, but also to inner strength and the growth that so often occurs as the result of the pain and trauma that lead a woman back to herself and the Sisterhood. Helpful stories and guiding exercises provide tools for women to use through a dark period and offer hope that there truly is light at the end of the journey. Even after the fact, After His Affair: Women Rising From the Ashes of Infidelity has important information and reminders for personal growth. This is an important book for women
and the men who love them!

Jed Diamond, author, ther

There are many books on how to find your ideal mate and how to help a marriage in trouble, but few address the devastation to women and children when a man is unfaithful. This is an exceptional book that I highly recommend for both women and men. Callander combines in-depth stories with
good science to give readers tools to prevent an affair as well as deal with its aftermath. Psychotherapists, marriage and family counselors, and other health-care professionals will also find After His Affair an extremely
valuable resource.

Jude Whelley

Affairs and betrayals have become so commonplace that the usual response is that they happen everyday and so what? Unfortunately, "so what" is the devastation and trauma experienced by the person who was betrayed. And although folks are fond of suggesting that the woman just get over it and move on, the process is nowhere near that simple or that quick.

After His Affair: Women Rising from the Ashes of Infidelity is the book I wish I'd had when I was going through this. Using excerpts from many women's stories, Callander takes the reader on a journey of understanding and healing. She makes plain the volatility of discovery and recovery and acknowledges the time and intense work required to move beyond surviving to thriving again.

After His Affair is an immensely reassuring book, yet difficult to read as it may trigger memories and feelings one thought had been resolved. The good news is that even these triggered moments lead to a deeper understanding of the experience, especially because Callander offers suggestions and strategies to cope with and eventually move beyond the trauma.

One of the helpful things about After His Affair is the Chapter Synopsis listed at the beginning. It is easy to peruse the synopsis and jump right to the chapter you might most need at the moment. Also, the individual voices of the women give each chapter a strong voice.

Callander does not shy away from discussing the effect affairs have on the children in the family. She deals with these issues with sensitivity and compassion, but does not avoid the harsh realities nor minimize the struggle to recover.

I will recommend this book to others I know experiencing the aftermath of a partner's affair because, sadly, it does happen every day.

by Jude Whelley
for Story Circle Book Reviews

Evelyn Grewal

A wonderfully supportive and life saving book! Filled with collective experience and wisdom, and encouraging the summoning of courage to surmount, move on and heal to have a fuller and more connected life.