The Good, The Bad, The Relationship

Non-Fiction - Relationships
78 Pages
Reviewed on 02/25/2017
Buy on Amazon

Author Biography

It was never Deb’s intention to write a book, however, after the passing of her father, she was inspired to do so.
Deb was married at the age of twenty-one. She and her husband Raymond relocated their family from the hustle and bustle of a big city, living by the beach on the Gold Coast, Queensland, to the quietness of a small country town around fourteen years ago and never looked back.
Deb went along to many workshops on emotional healing facilitated by her father Graeme and his wife Gayle. The principles taught in this book are part of those workshops. They have been the foundation of Deb’s marriage, keeping it strong, even after thirty years. Deb’s the first one to say no one’s perfect and without these principles, their marriage may not have survived.
Deb’s main passion is supporting people as they heal past trauma. A few years ago, she discovered doTERRA Essential Oils. These essential oils and vitamins have supported her in many ways, including physically, mentally, and with emotional healing. She loves how these two passions combined actually support each other beautifully. Deb emphasises you must take personal responsibility for your own health and wellbeing, as what might be right for one person may not be right for another.
Deb is also a Reiki Master, practices in Aroma Touch Technique Treatments, Craniosacral Therapy, has a Diploma in Community Services Case Management, and loves supporting people with emotional healing.

    Book Review

Reviewed by K.J. Simmill for Readers' Favorite

Nothing is sustainable without effort and, with a relationship, often the time spent investing in it, and the other person, enhances and nurtures it. Over time people change, and so too does the nature of a relationship - they will grow and adapt, and sometimes such changes cause tension and strife. Relationships can be difficult at the best of times. There are few out there who get the pinnacle of Disney's happily ever after. Real relationships take work. They have ups and downs, hardships and rewards. The key is being able to move past the problems in a way which is both productive and progressive. What one person thinks is perfect could in fact be a source of unhappiness for the other. But issues left undiscussed and unresolved merely feed the downfall and failure of a relationship. Deborah Stenton's The Good, The Bad, The Relationship suggests several stages to help forge a successful, mutually rewarding relationship.

Deborah Stenton's The Good, The Bad, The Relationship is not only aimed at helping to promote and resolve issues within a current relationship, but is also a useful tool for self reflection, allowing a reader to critically assess their own attitudes, hold ups, and reasons for past relationship failures, and acknowledge how they contributed and take steps to ensure they don't self-sabotage, not only themselves but any of their relationships. It builds a foundation of understanding that can be applied to future relationships, or help save failing ones. It gives the reader power to take responsibility and work towards a better one. Best of all, with an occasional word tweak, the stages and advice can be moulded to encompass any type of relationship, not just a romantic one; in fact the author openly encourages it to be used this way. The presentation of this book makes it an easily accessible reference; it explains possible feelings and observations, asks questions, and makes suggestions. By using this guide it becomes easy to reflect upon and acknowledge our own failings, and move away from laying blame and other non-progressive responses and attitudes. Deborah Stenton makes a lot of sense, and I can see this work making a difference to those who find themselves reading it.

Jack Magnus

The Good, The Bad, The Relationship is a non-fiction self-help book on relationships and conflict management written by Deborah Stenton. Stenton's father greatly influenced his daughter's interest in conflict management as she was able to attend many of the emotional healing workshops he and his wife facilitated over the years. She is also a Reiki Master and has a Diploma in Community Services Case Management. Everyone has relationships. It could be with a significant other, family members, coworkers, friends or pets. How those relationships sustain you and enrich your life is something that you can actively work on. Stenton's cover shows a ship whose sail is divided into relationship stages, both positive and negative. Throughout this book, she discusses each of those stages and how they interrelate and connect with each other. She offers Tips and Suggestions on how to work through each of the stages as well as Guiding Questions and Suggestions for readers to work through. Stenton also provides a list of recommended sources.

Deborah Stenton's non-fiction self-help book on relationships and conflict management, The Good, The Bad, The Relationship offers the motivated reader a useful handbook filled with helpful ideas on how to understand why things may start to go funny with their relationships and how, in most cases, to fix them. I especially appreciated her thought-provoking questions at the end of each chapter which act to ensure that the gist of the chapter is fully understood. I also enjoyed working through her Suggestions. Stenton does a good job of explaining the need for openness between partners via her analogy of Jack and Jill and the after effects of Jill's abusive family history. Their relationship begins to deteriorate primarily because each fails to see the past issues the other carries along with them. Relationships can be complicated things; however, Stenton's text helps to clarify those things that partners can do to keep their relationships relatively free of conflict and maintain them as things of joy and harmony. The Good, The Bad, The Relationship is highly recommended.

Mamta Madhavan

The Good, The Bad, The Relationship by Deborah Stenton is an insightful and uplifting read that speaks about relationships, the possibilities, and effects of relationships. The techniques in the book will help readers understand that only a five-degree turn is required to make positive changes in life, and the tips shared make it easy to navigate through the stages listed by the author. The book is a useful tool in resolving situations in life without bringing in more conflict, and handling problems in a calmer way. The stages of unconditional love, union, fulfillment, first hint of disappointment, betrayal, false illusion, separation, and paradise help readers to examine the lives they are leading and make the necessary changes to reach paradise.

The book is encouraging to all who want to change and need help in taking that first step. All stages in the book work well if followed properly. The questions and suggestions at the end of the chapters are useful for readers to analyze and examine the areas where they need to make changes for an enriching existence. All the suggestions are simple and easy to practice, and will transform readers in appreciating the beauty around them and exploring the depths of their spirit. The author’s neat and elegant writing style gives a good pace and movement to the book, and helps readers comprehend her words and ideas easily. It helps them to step back, take personal responsibility, and settle their thoughts on any situation in life.

Christine Nguyen

The Good, The Bad, The Relationship examines the crucial steps in the formation of a strong and lasting foundation in a new relationship between two people with past issues that they must deal with. The author, Deborah Stenton, uses a sail mast to illustrate her most important steps in a relationship, to represent what will make the sailboat shaky or strong - giving readers a visual tool to follow. Each chapter starts out with the lesson in the mast that the reader needs to learn and to master in their own life to make their relationships stronger and healthier. She talks about ten stages up the chain in order to get to the final and tenth stage called "paradise." Each person has memories from the past called "cellular memory" that may subconsciously harm or hurt their relationship by holding onto past hurts and what our parents and family may have instilled in us in our belief systems. Our belief systems are what each of us must be aware of and open, honest communication is key in working through our past issues.

Stenton's approach is very short and succinct. Her format is very easy to read and to follow. Many self help books go on and on, but Stenton gets straight to the point and the heart of the matter. Her questions at the end help the reader focus on what really matters in each chapter, and I found the book to be very helpful in getting to the problems that we all face in relationships. I would highly recommend her book to anyone - as we all deal with relationships on a constant basis. If everyone were to understand her principles in each chapter or step of her mast, there would be more happier, healthier relationships.

Barbara Fanson

The Good, The Bad, The Relationship by Deborah Stenton is an inspiring, motivational book that makes me want to put a little more effort into understanding my relationships and working at them—both at home and at work—so I don’t end up sinking into a bog! Deborah Stenton puts you in control; do you want to live in harmony or separate? This book shows you the dark side and makes you realize it’s time to seize control of the mast and sail forward. I thought the idea of writing a letter to your mother or someone who you feel has done you wrong is a good idea, but the idea of faking a response from your mother is absolutely brilliant!

The Good, The Bad, The Relationship by Deborah Stenton is a thought-provoking book about relationships amongst adults, though it could apply to other friendships and business relationships, as well. There are several motivational gems that I want to hang on my mirror to look at first thing in the morning, including: “Remember, unless you choose to evolve, nothing changes.” Just as a mast guides and moves a ship, Stenton uses the metaphor to describe how relationships progress and move forward. She provides a chart with positive stages on the right and negative stages on the left. Starting with unconditional love, Stenton describes it as the foundation of love and acceptance. She reminds us that in a union, each of us not only brings ourselves into the relationship, but all the unresolved baggage from our past. “If you love yourself, people will be attracted to you, because you will radiate a calm sense of compassionate understanding,” she reminds us.

At the end of each chapter, she asks you questions to help you understand yourself and your relationships better. With the first hint of disappointment, will we be headed towards betrayal or harmony? Author Stenton uses some wonderful analogies to compare human nature with that of the animal kingdom, such as animals will freeze or play possum, but humans disassociate. Why do some people react with road rage, but others don’t? This book is filled with wonderful examples of why some people react, and helps us to understand our own reactions and feelings, or those of a co-worker or spouse.